The thoughts that run through the mind when we’re scared + alone at the hospital are horrible. At least for me they’ve been some of the worst things I let cross my my mind. This photo was from a night when my contractions were out of hand during my fourth pregnancy. A wildly steady 1-3 mins a part + stumping my doctor.
Before I left the house I saw my Super Attractor deck + pulled this card. It gave me a powerful message. It was exactly what I needed in that moment + it served as a reminder for the hours I sat in triage. I prayed + prayed + prayed some more. Doing all I could to shift my mindset to a place of calm. A major 'why' I make a habit of my self care practices. I’m in no way immune to the feelings of overwhelm + fear that plague our humanity. I starred at the picture of my beautiful healthy children. I tapped into my gratitude + Reiki practice. Finding the peace I desired knowing God has held me before in a situation far earlier in pregnancy. When I was only 26 weeks pregnant with my third child, I spent 4 days in the hospital enduring every measure of intervention to keep baby snug. It was complete surrender + trust for whatever the outcome. Shots of terbutaline (Brethine) were used to slow uterine contractions. Followed by a mag wash (a 36 hour magnesium sulfate drip) to do the same. Mag is serious business. Anyone who has had preeclampsia has likely experienced mag during delivery too. In those instances it is used to prevent seizures. I've been there too, with the delivery of my first. So needless to say, I have great respect for medicine. And for me I have a special affection for nurse, especially after my 4 day experience. I know I met an angel during that stay. Her name was Barbara + she held my hand for close to an hour on the third day while I cried. I remember our conversation + how the words she spoke came from a part of her that were so heartfelt. It was on so many levels what I needed in relation to my life at that time too. My gratitude for that hour still strikes me. And, when I found myself in triage recently I remembered how it was once again out of my control. All I could do was trust. Trust the options offered to me. Trust the shot of steroids in my rear for baby’s lung development + trust that if she were to show up I was in the best place for her to get the care she would likely need. My support came from something higher in both instances. And, my faith helped me shift to a state of calm I needed to embrace in order to help my body slow down. Pregnancy is so different for everyone. Some women struggle at the beginning, others at the end + some not at all. None the less my hat is off to each of you. I have such respect for all of us - Mom to Mom.